Abracadabra!

 

 

160229_134449_COLLAGE-1

“Selfie, Selfie on my phone, create for me a flawless clone”.

I have addressed, more than once, the topic of mother’s and our lack of time to glamorize. 9 times out of 10 we aren’t lookin’ our best. Makeup free faces and hair that welcomes the birds above, we are more concerned about our children than ourselves.

If you feel like you are surrounded by beautiful and put together women, you are not alone. Mother’s or not, there are plenty of girls out there to feel jealous of. Especially with the selfie movement taking over what we once knew to be Earth. There are pouty duck lipped and smooth skinned photos as far as the eye can see.

Welcome camera apps!  Filters, smoothers, slimmers, and a bunch of other features allow us all to fake perfection. Heck, we can even apply makeup to our photos instead of our actual faces.

 

 

 

160229_140326_COLLAGE-1

As you can see above, there are endless possibilities in the creation of the girl you’ve always dreamed you could be. Confession, the “before” photo was filtered upon beginning the virtual makeup application. I’ve edited and already edited photo…ugh…

Funniest part of it all, if we have so much time to be dolling up a picture on our cell phones, why aren’t we using that time to put real makeup on ourselves?… I can not answer this question.

So here’s my point…although addicting, we need to get over the whole idea of looking “perfect”. There is no such thing as “perfect” unless we are talking about our kids. I once blogged about glamming it up once and awhile, that suggestion still stands. On the other hand, welcome the natural woman in you as well. You deal with her most often so best to try and get along.

Stop worrying about going to the store with your wrinkles and pimples exposed. So what if you didn’t wash your hair or change out of your sweat pants. We’re Moms, we are aloud to rock the bedhead, bed face and bed body style.

Advertisements

Be Still My Heart

160228_204919_COLLAGE-1

Have you ever had the feeling of being so completely aggravated, overwhelmed, annoyed, angry, drained or all of the above?… Motherhood will do that to you.

Let’s set the scene… you’ve been trying to pay bills and balance your checkbook for the past 45 minutes and have yet to succeed in doing so. Diapers have leaked… Netflix has buffered… boogers have emerged… cat climbed the walls… snacks have been requested…. everything that could possibly continue to prevent you from finding out how much money you have left in the bank has happened.

At this point you are feeling pretty frustrated. “Could you leave me alone for like 5 minutes?!”… “What the heck would anyone do without me?!”…. “It’s not the end of the world!”…. “No, you CAN NOT have cookies for breakfast!”  Sound familiar?

Just when you think you’re really about to loose your marbles your children go from needy to adorable like a flick of a switch. Suddenly they are smiling, batting eyelashes at you, and figuratively handing back every marble you started to drop. Condescending or not, we’ll never really know, but damn is it cute.

So the justification you felt for wanting to blow a fuse is suddenly irrational. Those sweet smiling little faces have just hit the delete button on Angers control of your emotional council. You’re beat. Every single reason you ever wanted to be a mother flashes through your mind and in that moment the stress snaps out of you. Like magic, all is well with the world again.

Our sweet little babies force us back to reality and allow Joy to take the wheel. Like the day they were born, you fall in love with them over and over again. Love at first sight…second sight….third sight…no end in sight.

 

 

Eww…

20160226_130232

We can all remember back in the day, watching our mother’s bounce through the house like Mexican jumping beans. There was always something to do… cooking, cleaning, laundry, emergency surgery (Barbie’s decapitated, again).. take your pick. As children, you pay little attention to what Mom is actually doing. There’s no understanding what could possibly be keeping her so busy all the time.

On the other hand (literally), one thing kids DO notice is Mother’s ability to touch absolutely any and everything disgusting that she comes in contact with. Poopy diapers, squished bugs, nasty drain traps, the cats puke, the dogs drool, or just plain unidentified gooey objects (UGO’s) in general, she doesn’t hesitate to extend a hand.

So how have we transitioned from the children that cringed at the sight of Mom’s hesitation free clean up of said UGO’s, to now disposing of them ourselves? Think back to your first born babies first poopy diaper. Breast or formula fed, newborns have an interesting and unfamiliar contents when delivering you a #2. You weren’t sure how to react to it. “It’s so cute”, “eww..gross”, “what the heck is that”, “why is it yellow”, “aww…his first dookie”…These may have been some of the thoughts passing through your mind at the time.

Here’s my theory. Because of the confusion between disgusting and adorable that occurred with our first babies diaper change, we maniacally morphed into women with fearless fingers. No UGO stands a chance!

So what difference does this really make? All the difference in the world. We, as mother’s, are now gifted with the ability to handle any kind of messy situation with ease. Another super power we are graced with. We are saving the day against the Mucinex monster and his many slimy sidekicks. Vigilante Vixens are we!

*Ding Ding*

stressed

Do you have more than one child? If so, you know exactly where this blog is headed…

Round 1! Accept there isn’t a disgustingly perfect young woman walking around your living room holding up a sign (sorry to disappoint Daddies). Instead it’s you and your kids..and there’s power in numbers. The more children you have, the greater the sensation that you are living in the middle of Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed’s rematch.

In the morning it may appear that your kids are going to get along with each other all day. Is it possible?… Nope. Don’t let a good start fool you. There will be a point in the day when your children will step into the ring. Obviously we, as mother’s, cannot and WILL not tolerate physical confrontation between our kids but they manage to go toe to toe verbally just fine.

Well, we can’t allow this either. This is one of the many extremely difficult aspects of parenting. Like a lion to a gazelle, the alpha child will pounce on the weaker sibling causing a serious meltdown. Vice versa, the smaller/younger child will use their age/size to their advantage. They’re smarter than we think!

These are the times when we have to intervene. Time outs, loss of devices, favorite toy taken… there MUST be consequences for this behavior or it will only get worse. Letting your kids hash it out themselves only works for the tamer of arguments.

Address the fact that there really isn’t anything to be fighting about and also remind your children that they love each other (whether they want to admit it or not). Separate them, if need be, and allow them to cool down..they’ll be laughing together in a matter of minutes.

There is no avoiding the fact that your kids are going to get in a tiff or two before leaving the nest. The best way to look at it… it’s normal! The resolution of these episodes are providing your children with the tools on how to deal with conflict in their adult years.

Allowing them to express themselves is important. Although waiting for the royal blue crayon may not seem detrimental to you, periwinkle doesn’t quite cut it for Leonardo’s mask.

Happy faces everyone! We are here for the long haul and need to hold on to the essence of family life.. LOVE. Can’t we all just get along?…

 

 

Living in a Labyrinth

house

White picket fence..beautiful landscaping..welcome mat at the foot of your Grafton front door.. then you open that door….

Suddenly you are in what feels like a labyrinth. Small areas of floor are exposed from beneath the toys and puzzles that you must now play hopscotch to get through. Not only are you uncontrollably transformed into a gimpy kangaroo, you are also forced to complete a maze of clutter putting you in a panic as there appears to be no end in sight.

The rooms you once knew to be living areas, kitchens, bathrooms…have all been re-purposed in the creation of your children’s giant play house. The “playroom” is practically empty (cleanest room in the house, in fact) and the living room automatically becomes a dining area once you welcome your little ones in. Long gone are the years of sharing every meal as a family at the dining room table (sorry Mom). The make-up you used to apply at the bathroom vanity is scattered here, there and everywhere. It’s an Easter egg hunt every morning you think you have time to put some make-up on your face and stop scaring the neighbors.

We can choose to drive ourselves completely and utterly MAD by an ongoing attempt to reclaim our homes. The odds of success here are very slim. I’m sorry, especially to those of us that bare the burden of O.C.D.

Here’s the advice. TRY…your hardest… to accept the inevitable. It’s okay to straighten and organize the best you can but please don’t kill yourself in the process. Your kids kinda need you around so they can survive themselves. And being physically alive doesn’t mean you’re mentally breathing.

“Keep Calm and Let it Go”, as my daughters Elsa shirt has taught me. There’s only so much you can accomplish before nightfall. Your kitchen counter may have to stay Thomas’s train terminal for one more day.

As hubby, friends and family like to remind us, “the house is LIVED in, not a mess”. And it’s the best kind of mess out there.

To Buy or Not to Buy?…

boyshorts

That is the question.

Picture this… you are heading into the store, a woman on a mission. You have a very specific list of items you are seeking. You need some groceries, toilet paper, shampoo, crayons, play doh, oh and some underwear for yourself.

As you reluctantly lower a 6 pack of Hanes Assorted Colors Cotton Sporty Boyshort Panties into your cart, you think about how that $9.47 could be going toward something else for your kids. A new Imaginext toy for your son…. a new pack of accessories for Princess Anna (a girl can never have too much).. there’s a sensation of nurturing and guilt that take over.

Suddenly those old blood stained and swiss cheese looking underwear at home “aren’t so bad”. I mean, some people go commando for crying out loud, a few holes never hurt anyone.

So here’s the thing… it’s almost impossible to “splurge” on yourself when you’re a mother. Any and everything that used to be important and necessary simply isn’t anymore after motherhood begins. You don’t need all that makeup…you don’t care about the name brand items…hand me downs from sisters and mothers are welcomed. It’s all about your children. The smiles on their faces when you present them with the “just because” gift you couldn’t resist, makes your run down appearance completely worth it.

It’s okay to buy for yourselves Mommies and you SHOULD. But we all know that it isn’t likely to happen and that’s ALRIGHT too. You’ll have plenty of years to revisit your prime shopping and fashion sense days when you’re kids are grown. Wonder why 50 is the new 30?

 

Bitter Sweet.

bittersweet

From the day your precious baby is born and the umbilical cord is cut, you are working hard to teach your child independence.

The first year or so is a whirlwind because your baby needs you for absolutely everything. You begin their journey toward independence by working on their motor skills. Tummy time, jolly jumpers, play mats.. these are all tools used to encourage the development of your children in the earliest years.

Along with working toward the future with your child comes immense amounts of stress and anxiety… “Am I doing this right?”… “Am I coddling too much?”… “Do I really believe in letting my baby cry it out?”….

There’s no need to go through all the phases of your child’s upbringing because you have all been there, done that. The point is, throughout all the years, Mother’s count the minutes of each day where they can have a moment alone and their children are actually occupying themselves.

Just when you think you have time to watch the Steve Harvey show or you’ve decided that you haven’t kept up with the Kardashians and you’re not okay with this, you hear in the distance, “Mommy… come here!” We might as well install a spring to the ass of all our pants, make our lives easier. Either that or don’t sit down at all…ever. You WILL be getting back up in a matter of a few minutes every time you attempt to park your bum.

In the mix of all this back and forth, up and down shenanigans that would make Tigger proud, you are one day introduced to a new found independence in your kids. You walk in the play room to check on things and hear “privacy please” or “bye Mommy”. Or your child asks you to assist in the preparation of a scenario of toy set ups and in conclusion, you are asked to “leave me alone now Mommy.”

Bitter sweet. Your mind and heart are now in an epic battle. In your head, you are celebrating the fact that all of your hard work is starting to pay off. Your child wants time away from you. This actually IS a good thing. On the other hand, your heart is breaking. In a way, you feel offended and hurt that your little baby is growing up way too fast and now you could care less that Khloe cut her hair or that Kim created another series of selfies and made a book of them.. Gag me. You don’t feel quite so significant anymore.

Well, here’s reality. You ARE significant and always will be. The perk of being the best mother you can be is creating awesome, loving and independent kids that still need you no matter what. Sit back and take pride in their development and achievements. YOU are the reason they are thriving. Your love and support is appreciated more than you’ll ever know.

You and your child were once one person. That is a connection like no other in the universe. I mean, we’ve all heard that little voice in our heads, right?… “Hi Mom”!

 

 

Love is in the Air!

CYMERA_20160211_141805

Valentine’s Day. This is holiday for giving thanks and appreciation for your sweetheart, showing them how much they mean to you, and how you still get those little butterflies in your tummy when you exchanging smiles.

It all sounds so beautiful. To hear the date “February 14th”, you likely have images of red and pink hearts flashing through your mind or those cheesy paper valentine’s you had to write out to ALL your classmates (even your archenemy). Anyway, it’s wonderful to dedicate a single day to “I love you’s” but really we should all be making a conscious effort to express our love everyday.

That thought aside, the reason (according to the Blog for Stressed Mothers) that one solitary day is designated to the expression of love is because there’s never any time during the remaining 364 days of the year to do so. Much like a previous blog (Involuntary Abstinence), it is well known that children take over your love life. It almost appears that our little ones have a master plan and that it is all intentional. Those quiet moments when you’re wondering what the heck your children are up to….you find they have created a fort out of blankets and chairs. Awww, so sweet. Well Mommies, this is to distract from the conspiracy they are managing. The plot to keep Mommy and Daddy from any physical contact whatsoever.

Hallmark and Russell Stover are not the enemy! Valentine’s Day is an escape plan for parents to try and reconnect or pick up where they left of last year.

So whatever you do, don’t let your little Bonds, James Bonds, succeed. Give yourselves at least this one day to honor where the root of your family stems. Even if that means including the result of your love that is your children. Valentine’s DAY can be all about family… come NIGHT fall, put the kids to bed, and like vampires…let the passion ignite!!

Multi-task?…. Ha!

9242148-Busy-Mum-Stock-Vector-mother-cartoon-busy

So, having 873 things to do within an hours time frame seems like a physical impossibility. It IS. Now try and imagine completing those tasks with your pants being tugged on, your back being tapped, your name being called… over and over…. “Mommy…. Mama…. Mom!!!” It’s a miracle we have any hair left at all.

The idea of multi-tasking seems like the only option for mother’s to get anything done. Well, how can you task multiples without first having started an initial task to begin with?! So aggravating!

Here’s where it gets interesting… That “to do” list you have everyday, or the roll over from days before, never seems to get any smaller. So how are Mothers accomplishing anything at all?

Here’s how… The same shit comes up again and again. Day in and day out we ARE actually multi-tasking without even realizing it. Look above at the beautiful image of clip art google has supplied. This may bring a smile to someones face as it is a silly little cartoon. Reality is, we are practically octopi. Not only do we have 8 tentacles to work with, who can forgot the eyes we have in the back of our heads.

Come on ladies, you can’t deny that as soon as your baby started toddling around, you were completely shocked by yourself and the ability to see exactly what, when and how a situation was going down behind you. Our mother’s AREN’T aliens!

So use these super human powers to your advantage. Try not to feel overwhelmed and recognize that you ARE checking off items on your list but the bastards tasks keep coming back. Three meals a day?! Really?….

It’s the ongoing cycle of motherhood and maintaining a household. Be grateful for your list and embrace it. It’s another reason to toot our own horns.

Give and Give.

helping-hands-clip-art

We are all familiar with the expression “give and take”. Well, we have heard it before but if your a Mother, the “and take” portion of the equation doesn’t seem to exist.

If you’re the type of person that takes the nucleus out of the center of a shared plate of cheesy nachos, odds are you have no children. Figuratively speaking, Mothers will pick at the broken pieces surrounding the outside of the nacho plate, collecting mere crumbs. As long as our kids are getting the hearty bites, we are happy.

Giving and motherhood go hand in hand. We give 100+% of ourselves to our children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. “Full time” does not nearly express the true amount of hours put in to the most difficult job as a Mom.

Would we want it any other way? Nope. Give and give… and then give some more. That’s what makes us who we are.

Let’s revisit the “and take”. We may not have someone cooking our meals for us, laying out our clothes, wiping our noses, scratching our backs, or drawing our bubble baths BUT we have our children. What better form of “give” is there than the gift of having your children and rocking this motherhood position.

Like most of the blurbs in Blogs for Stressed Mother’s, it is important to focus on the affect YOU are having on the world around you. It may feel as though you are constantly giving and getting little in return but in fact, that’s not true at all. You’re natural instinct toward generosity is creating compassionate adults for the next generation.

So, keep giving and make it a point to consciously acknowledge what is coming back around to you.